September 18, 2016

The good and the bad.

When the time comes, someone will noticed you. 
Everything - the good and the bad.
Your fake confidence.
Being panic without reasons.
Your shaky voice as you point out your opinion in the crowd.
The effort you put on your eyebrows.
Caught you falling asleep in random places.
The mole you had in your palm.
Your fruity smells.
Walking so fast when you're alone.
Your eyes rolls as you feel annoyed.
Always keep your plate clear every lunch/dinner.
Eating snacks while no one watching.
You chew gums to avoid from dozing off.
Faking a phone call just to avoid awkward short-catch-up.
Doodles when situation gets bored.
Always fall asleep during road trips.
Cries every single time when there is a scene of animal are killed in movies.

. . .

When the time comes, someone will accept you. 
Everything - the good and the bad.
Accept the fact that he is on the third place because family and friends comes right after God.
That muffin top of yours that shows when you're sitting down.
Your messy tangled hair.
Sneezing like a dude.
Your snores while sleeping.
Romance is always the number one choice watching a movie.
How you regret after watching a horror movie.
Your random thoughts and your craving for deep conversation.
Spontaneous plans.
Your dream on travelling the globe.
2 am phone calls.
Your weird playlist.

. . .

When the time comes, I pray to God that I won't choked myself to death; or embarrassed myself with tears in my eyes or burst myself to that unfiltered-laugh of mine. I pray to God that I will stand still - with my brain and heart working that shit together to figure everything out.

I might not realized your existence or your feeling; but believe me, I am forcing myself to believe that there is someone out there that would notice and accept me the way I am. But my reality, my ego, my expectation - blurred my sight from believing that you are right in front of me. From time to time, I never stop myself from looking another perspectives to change myself to be a better women. If you are happen to know me before and thought that I am no longer like the person you used to know, it means that I did became better - maybe because of I am now aware what I need and what I want. 

You probably see that I could do everything on my own - "don't worry about her, she's very independent; she is able to finish her job on her own; she is her own man" -  hell, I'm not. I'm just accepting the fact that I have to learn to stand on my feet before I get too attached on you that I couldn't prepare myself to lose you. Before I start a new chapter that might have an ending that I could never live with. Yes, I'm preparing for all those future broken-hearts; being cheated on, complicated decisions, break-up, getting dumped, left-hanging or move-on-phase. So, I need you to steal my time, don't give up on me and we will figure out that incomplete puzzles, together.

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