August 07, 2015

the one who promises not to forget always forget

I am such an idiot for trusting your words. I shouldn't have open up my feelings for you or writing it here. My room reminds me of you. The windows and curtains reminds me of you. Its just something that I can't forget. You're not worth to be remembered since you leave pain inside me. A pain that's not a even worth it.

I'm afraid I won't fall beautifully anymore because I forget how to fall without afraid of getting hurt. Things are so different now. Well, duhh. I'm over twenty, you're not in high school anymore. I am so busy looking at my age and worrying on how it will define me. Its amazing how numbers confused me how to have right attitude for this two digit when the right thing to do is just be myself. 

I get so tired everyday that I wasted everyday by just breathing and dying the day end faster. I hate myself for that. I'm not making progress of myself. I'm blinding myself from the wonderful blessings I had with things that I could never own. Time is moving forward and I'm stuck. 

As I came home, I look at my parents and my chest hurts. They smiled and I hold my tears. I could see their wrinkles get visible. I'm afraid. I cannot stop thinking how the future going to change me, Basically, I am in control with my future, but shit I can't. I can't even see myself 6 months from now.

I feel stuck. I pause myself somewhere that I can't move forward. I'm stuck.