July 27, 2014

here's a little thing about my fucked up self esteem

"almost is never enough"

Don't assume me that I have zero confidence in myself; my body fat doesn't make me less human. I have always been anxious about my body but due to my hard work this past four years, I am now at a stage that I can finally allow myself to feel good to fit in a dress nicely. Everyone has their own flaws which they are well-aware with(probably not everyone). The thing about feeling insecure on my body is something that I will never be able to get over with. Some days I would just ignore it and some days, I'll just cry about it. If I couldn't ignore it, I will keep my mind as positive as I can; and when I fail to do so, every compliments sound sarcastic. Everyday is a war for me.

July 09, 2014

Runny nose and shopping addiction

It feels so uncool to talk in front of your juniors when you have a funny voice and tissues covering your runny nose. People get sick because of the weather. The weather here is so unpredictable. First we have the minor migration of haze from Indonesia, which made the sky went all cloudy for almost two weeks. The following week, the sun went up and I tell you, the heat in Borneo is just wow, I think I can fried an egg under the smoking hot sun. Last week, it went all rainy and the day always start with cold morning. I am trying my best to get up every morning to work because this kind of perfection don't always happen here. My friend catches cold because of this weather and now it's my turn to have my nose covered with tissues all the time. I need my hot tea to get through this cold. 

As all of you knew, or maybe not, I am working at a store in my previous school; the one where I went for my high school, not my pre university. At first, I was a bit unsure to start working again but my friend need to someone to replace her partner because she can not survive there all by herself feeding these starving students. Since I am currently unemployed so why not? We get a small allowances but it's okay, we get free foods and drinks there. Oh look how time flies, I am now in my third month of working. Free foods are everywhere which means I suck in everything edible. Believe it or not, I am not doing any cardio, running or drinking smoothies over the past few months. I am in a danger zone right now because I don't think I could save myself from consuming those high-salt/sugar-contained foods. But I still drink my detox smoothies so it's okay(?). As long as I stick to my smoothies routine, I know I will back on track right after I'm done working.

I have this new addiction or should I call it a 'habit', which is browsing online shopping website every time before I get to bed cos I'm afraid that I might missed any sale or huge clearance. I ordered shoes and bags mostly. When I checked my bank account the other day, it went down to the numbers that I was least expected. I was in shocked and terrified. I gotta stop. I seriously need to stop cos I am not from a loaded family. So I need to save up because those numbers get worst. Just because I am working it doesn't mean I could spend everything I want, right?

That's all for now. Toodles!