June 25, 2014

I should've known...

I don't have to open my mouth to kill every silences
I don't need to force a laugh at someone's terrible jokes
I don't have to know/think how people see in me

All my attentions
All my tears
All my feelings
All my loves
All my happiness

I deserve every bit of them
I deserve to be happy
I deserve to be adore

If I just let myself
love myself
more than I love everyone

but
there's nothing wrong
looking after someone you really care about
asking them "are you okay?"
hoping that you could make their day
by putting a smile on their face
and deep down
you hope that they will make the same thing on you
because you know
you deserve that

but why
why I never felt loved
like the love I gave to everyone

I should've known this;being too nice is not for me

June 02, 2014

Yoghurt kind of day

Today I spent most my time eating yoghurt. Cos yoghurt have something that makes me feeling a little bit chilly. I am not being me lately. No more the 'organise-Chalen'. Sucks a lot because I have trouble in managing my time. This is not shocking for me but it has been almost a month. I slept at dawn, I eat chips as my first meal at 11am almost every day, I skip dinner, I don't drink enough water, I even skipped my morning shower, I'm not on track with my healthy routine and worst of all, I am not being 'nice'to anyone lately except for my sister. Yelling is pretty much an easy thing to do compare to talking nicely now. I did a lot of yelling at my parents lately. I think I even made my mum cries in her room. I'm sorry mum, I didn't mean any of it. I wish I could just say it out without yelling at you. I wasn't angry at you. I don't know why I did that. I don't know what's happening. I don't even know what I want to know.