November 19, 2013

19 and I am blessed.

How can I say this, I have been feeling so happy for these few days. Extremely happy. This year, 2013, on my 19th birthday, was the most memorable day so far in my whole entire life. I have been waiting those 'unexpected things' to happen on me for many years.

Bowling on my birthday eve.
I told my mum that I want to play bowling on my birthday. She said "We'll see". So, on Saturday night, brother bear asked us to get ready for bowling. It really made me happy. I had my first bowling that night and not to forget, my first strike and I won, I beat everyone. I got the highest score. It was a great night. Thanks to everyone. Aw I love my family so much.

Birthday wish on 00:22 am. 
He wished me. That asshole, I don't just want your wish, I want you to tell me truth. The reason why you lied. I think you already knew that I'm trying to get rid of you right? I have been ignoring you since the moment I knew you were not being honest to me. A friend wouldn't do that for no reason(s). But I'm quite happy you remembered. Just happy.

A complete best friends' birthday wishes.
Homie, you did it! You did not forgotten my birthday this year. Last year was such a joke. You forgot the whole thing even if I texted you on that day. I was really upset that day. But it doesn't even matter at all now. I had the best gift ever in my life with my best friends. I love you munyits.

"I just wanna say that I had the biggest crush on you before my current girlfriend."
I thought you had forgotten my birthday. You asked me my birthday in early February. It's okay for me to recall everything back now. I don't feel hurt or pity about myself anymore. I'm not a clueless bastard anymore. Because that long birthday wish from you had answered to every questions that been stuck in my head for a long time. I'm glad you told me. I really am. You saved me.

That night I kept on thinking.
What would I do after this?
What should I feel?
I know I should be feeling happy but that won't last forever.
Maybe I should just stay feeling nothing
but that's such a waste cos things like this don't usually happen on me.
Or maybe I should be feeling sad because
I know this thing will be over and people will forget you.
But I don't want to be sad
I have been feeling sad too long now
I'm tired of it
I hate it
It never helps
I told myself that it's time to move on
But, how?
How to move on?
"Once you let go of everything" 
The question is, have I let go of myself?